More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
