so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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