butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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