My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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