I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He did a backflip because drugs
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