And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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