When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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