I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
