I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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