he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
