I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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