Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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