Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
