I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
