he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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