The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
