areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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