went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
