Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
