I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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