His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
