It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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