But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
