I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
