At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
