i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
