My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
