how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
