He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
