I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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