you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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