and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need water and some morals
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
