btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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