So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
