I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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