the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
