Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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