Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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