Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
