just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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