I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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