eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
