Yo dont text me then not text me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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