Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
