she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
