the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I want is dick and wine.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
