that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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