so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
