saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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