I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
