Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
