you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
