I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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