my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
