I can tuck mytits in my pants
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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