I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
