I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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