I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
