I accidentally had phone sex last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is Oprah even human
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
